Over 75 Compete in the Pregnant Bikini Contest

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“That chick’s butt has more dimples than a golf ball.” This is one of the best lines that I heard at the fourth annual Rock 105.3 Pregnant Bikini Contest, which was held May 12th at Dick’s Last Resort in San Diego’s Gaslamp District.

Pregnant Bikini Contest? Yeah, that’s right. Over 75 “lactating lovelies” competed for a $1,000 grand prize, showing off their inflated bellies to a capacity crowd of over 800, proving that guys can be just as crass in front of “pregos” as they are in front of non-fertilized females. As with traditional bikini contests, there were the ubiquitous, Neanderthal-like chants of “Show me your ****.”

Some of the ladies appeared ready to burst at any minute. Each contestant was required to be in the third trimester of pregnancy. A San Diego E.M.T. unit was on hand to make sure that no one broke their water—thankfully, no mops were needed.

Backstage, I had the good fortune of speaking with some of the 10 finalists. When asked how their future offspring was conceived, a common theme prevailed.

One contestant, who wished to remain anonymous, recalled the moment of conception. “It was in the backseat of my boyfriend’s car,” said contestant #19. “My husband plays pool at this bar and had to much to drink, I guess. He couldn’t make it home.”

Will #19 tell her future son—whom she plans on naming Gavin Cooper—that he was conceived in the backseat of a Dodge Intrepid, and his mommy entered a pregnant bikini competition? “Yes,” #19 proudly stated. “We’re taking lots of pictures … I’m doing it for him.”

I’m sure little Gavin Cooper will be proud.

Jackie Ashman, one contestant whose bulbous navel threatened to pierce my skin also had a rather anti-climactic (excuse the pun) conception. “We were driving cross-country to Ohio from California and we had a deal that we were going to have sex in every state, so I’m not sure where it happened.”

“Was it in a hotel room?” I asked Ashman.

“No,” she told me. “It was in the back seat of the car on the side of the road.”

Another contestant, Mindy, was a former stripper; she wasn’t the only one. Mindy told me that she worked the stage until her seventh month of pregnancy, and on her final night at the club, she raked in $850, courtesy of several generous well-wishers and frequent customers.

San Diego rock station 105.3 sponsored the pageant. The greatest spectacle of the event was the talent competition. Rock 105.3 DJ, Woody, of the BC and Woody Show, was dressed in a giant diaper, lying prone on a makeshift stage. The final five lactating lovelies had to prove their motherly skills to the most unruly of babies.

To the dismay of the crowd, Robin (contestant #14) refused to breast feed Woody. She instead, relied on more conventional methods, and when she tried to nourish Woody, the popular DJ spit out a green pea ooze, which seeped into his goatee.

Having no previous experience raising a baby, Francine (#34) had trouble changing Woody’s pajamas. Francine’s beautiful Hawaiian looks and choice of costume — she wore a lei for a top — was good enough for a third-place finish and a $250 prize.

The fourth annual pregnant bikini pageant grand prize went to Cindy, contestant #19. As Cindy walked across the stage to accept her award, also referred to as “Missed Period,” her crew-cut sporting, Marine Corps husband joined her in a loving embrace.

Asked by BC what they planned on doing with the $1,000 grand prize, Cindy’s husband replied, “This is for my kid. I’m going to start his college trust fund with this money.”

At least he didn’t say: “Hey everybody, beers on me!”